There are psychologists who believe that arranged marriages are stronger than marriages based on love. However, first, every nation has a mentality of its own, secondly, what actually to strive for? For a strong marriage where relations are based on certain property relations or still for a happy marriage based on love?
We have already discussed many controversial topics by now. If to speak about marriage, there is no happiness within a marriage based on a bare financial calculation only. People tend to match arranged marriage against love marriage in the society we live in. There is an indiscretion though: an arranged marriage may also contain love. In this case, matrimonial alliance is based on the following considerations: this person fits me, s/he wants love, I want the same thing, and we shall get it for sure. Alike outlooks may be considered as unrepugnant to reason as long as people value love in relationships and strive for it.
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People have become more selfish by nature in these latter days, which is why arranged marriage became a common occurrence. Alike alliances came around at all times. If a noble kin wanted to become relatives with a family as noble as theirs, they arranged about marriage between their children besides it was done long before their moving to adulthood. It was arranged on special conditions beneficial for both sides. By mean of such a marriage, families settled up territorial, financial and other significant issues and it was considered to be normal, a usual method of getting people together.
Nowadays, arranged marriage is no rarity just as well. Two people decide to arrange such an alliance completely understanding all the pros and cons of this decision. It is commonly believed that arranged marriages primarily cannot become strong and happy marriages. Nevertheless, the reality shows the falseness of this consideration.
The reasons why people go for it are different: to improve their social status, well-being, from considerations of economy, to get an official residential registration or elementary conveniences, everyday comfort, fear of loneliness and escape from it, striving for having regular and legal sexual relationships, a wish to have a nuclear family for a child, etc.
Arranged marriages are based on material considerations, to turn around the fortunes at somebody`s expenses. Along with that, the other side has interests of its own. In this case, it is highly important for the calculation to be right.
There is enough of prejudice in the society upon arranged marriage. For some reason, most pf us have rather negative attitude to them. To think that arranged marriage cannot be a happy marriage would be wrong. Why is it shameful to live with a man who has a stable social status and material conveniences? It speaks of him as a person who achieved something in his life. It is something worth of respect. Is there a woman who would refuse from being with a man who is worth of respect, to live a life of ease, where no room for problems of thousands of poor families?
By the way, it is no surprise that men are up for such kind of marriage just as well. We can see young men with pretty faces getting married to older women who are rich and prosper. Besides that, these marriages are not that short lasting.
All of us would want to accomplish some goals. This is another reason why people arrange marriages. To get some social status, to simply take care of someone and be taken care of. Such calculations are more of psychological character, than of financial or social ones. Striving for creating a family also may be considered some sort of a calculation. An assumed profit lies in financial support or in assistance in bringing up children. As often as not, we are to start a family because of housewifely functions (laundry, cooking, cleaning and other household routines), which can be put on a partner.
Dynastic alliances are also arranged marriages.
Overall, in accordance with statistics, arranges marriages are considered to be stronger. Besides that, if interest for accommodation or money are in the basis of the marriage, such marriages are strong almost always but there is no a happy one.
Anyway, if you love someone, you will think it over well. A man, before asking a woman to marry him, will definitely think first whether he would be able to provide family, whether he is ready to become a father. A woman, before saying yes, should answer the following questions: whether she would be able to make a man happy, whether she would be able to build relationships, whether she would be able to make a compromise. Truly loving person would definitely think of the future ahead of the marriage.
The most right calculation is the one which takes a partner`s interests into account. Let along the interests of children if any and of the future children. It is a good thing to take your interests into consideration but when it comes to a couple, if you will be thinking about what your partner will get as a result of alliance with you – you will be able to build something strong.
An arranged marriage is an agreement of sorts and it is supposed to be mutually profitable. There are still people who find an arranged marriage to be a bobtail pool. Yes, it is good to live with an independent, reliable person; to respect him but such a union is a suffering of sorts without love due to some things to be done not for pleasure but because of a necessity. A few more serious aspects should be taken into consideration in order for a marriage to turn out to last long and was happy: compatibility of partners physically and psychologically, life experience of the future husband, ability to make a compromise and to conform. Which is why if you are to arrange marriage, these aspects should be viewed.
Pros of arranged marriage
- Alliance from both sides is a responsible and comprehensive move. Spouses are not in the grip of feelings. The decision is made in the cold light of day.
- Each of the spouses gets a realization of intended purpose.
- There is no lovesickness; there are no blaming of attention lack, etc.
- There is no reason to have an argument.
- There is no risk to be off someone.
- Marital duties are not compulsory. The main thing to father a child.
- Daily graft is not a problem for such a family. It will not break it up.
Cons of arranged marriage
- No love.
- Sexual relations are no pleasure but a hateful duty.
- If a wife grinded her own axe, she might be under constant and total control of her husband.
- There is a chance of a “life in a walled garden” situation.
- A complete dependence upon a person in whose hands all the finances are.
- Businessperson spouse is often away on business being accompanied with secretaries with long legs resting in the clubs and other elite places with prostitutes.
- Arranged marriage often covers an attitude of a managing finances man to his wife as if she was another thing he bought.
- The side breaking a tacit agreement risks to end up with nothing.
There is a tendency for an arranged marriage to be on the decrease due to a marriage settlement. This document provides for possession of property, which normally is possessed apart. An arranged marriage is replaced with a rational marriage now. There are no finances or social status based within such an alliance but a hope for a strong alliance with spiritual peace, respect, mutual understanding and reliance. Warmer relations than just a friendship appear within such an alliance, then love comes along. As a rule, such a marriage provides for children in the future.
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Love Vs. Arranged Marriage Essay
Marriage has been described as one of the oldest and most enduring human institutions however the reasons for marrying have varied extensively from period to period and culture to culture. In many cases marrying was predominantly an economic decision which determined the suitor that the family could find for the daughter. In some cultures a man's wealth was based on the size of his harem or the number of spouses that he maintained while in other cultures a young woman's family was expected to give a substantial dowry to her suitor. Throughout the centuries women have found themselves in a moderately submissive role in courtship, marriage, and their everyday life. Many women were traditionally married to older men chosen by the girl's father or in other cultures some nuptials were organized by older women in the community like a matchmaker whose opinions were seldom challenged by the people involved. In some cultures marriage is such a life-changing decision that many believe must be made by those with more experience rather than to leave the choice of a spouse to the young involved. Some find that a love match as a foundation for marriage is a better route to happiness such as in Western culture. Love, physical relations, and the joys of infatuation are described extensively in the Hebrew Scriptures as the best way for both of the spouses to live a happy and fulfilled life. Love matches in general allow women the freedom to make choices and have more control of their own happiness.
In love matches, women are able to make choices to better their futures. In the past “the practice of marrying for economic reasons” was common because women did not hold jobs, therefore, she needed to marry for stability and make a life for herself. In the twenty-first century women are able “to pursue advanced educations and careers, postponing or avoiding marriage entirely” ("An Opinion on Love Matches”49). With the advancements that women make in their education and careers, they are able to support themselves financially without the need of a male. If she has a successful career with a decent salary, then she can provide herself shelter, food, and other necessities to survive. Being financially stable means that the woman does not need to rely on a man to support her, so if she finds that her husband is verbally or physically abusive, then she can file for a divorce. Her advanced education and career gives the woman the freedom to make the choice to leave the man, or if she is very dedicated to the man she loves, get the man professional help. A love match gives women the liberty to refuse men that they do not like, and allow women to select men who they desire. A woman does not have to settle for a man who does not make her happy or who denies her the pursuit of happiness. She is able to look for a life partner that is attractive to her and understands her strengths and weaknesses, as well as what she needs. Contrary to an arranged marriage, where the family...
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